When You Have Social Anxiety

As christians should we have social anxiety? Many people will tell you that you have to just trust God and everything will get better, but for those of us suffering this is only a frustrating answer. Not only does it make us feel like we have no faith, it also makes us feel like there is actually a way to rid ourselves of these painful feelings that we just simply can’t tap into.

I have struggled with social anxiety for years and I only have vague memories of not feeling very uncomfortable around people. I feel like externally I look okay but on the inside I feel paralyzed and sick. I always prayed for God to make me well but it didn’t happen.I got bitter. I blamed God for my problems and stopped trying to improve at all. Only recently have I come back to my faith.

Do all Christians with anxiety have the same fate? Will we all become bitter and hate God for the unanswered prayers? I won’t be dishonest or sugar coat the way my feelings were years ago. I hated God so much that I would have spat in His face if He decided to visit me. I’m so thankful that I always knew He was there though, and I think that’s the only thing that has saved me.

Anyone that has suffered from social anxiety knows that life can turn into hell at a flip of a switch. You will be fine one second and then suddenly you feel like you’ve been shut down. You repeat your favorite comforting verse over and over with no relief. You pray and nothing happens. You feel like nothing will change.

I’m not an expert in anything and I don’t feel like I know much more than anyone else, so I can only offer you the small amount of advice I’ve gleaned from painful trial and error over the years.

First, take baby steps all the way. Do things outside of your comfort zone often even if it’s only making eye contact with someone in the grocery store. I’ve found that maintaining eye contact with people while talking to them is a real confidence builder for me. That may be because it makes me so uncomfortable but every time I do it I feel I’ve accomplished something. Find something small that makes you anxious and practice doing it as often as possible. Start conversations with strangers if you can and smile. Anyone that knows me knows I hate smiling but it helps.

Another thing is to fake it. Fake what? Confidence. This may seem deceptive but in reality it isn’t. If you wear a mask long enough that becomes who you are. If you want to do something you have to do it. Thinking about something you want to do and not doing it will only drive you further into that hole you’re in. Take a stand and decide that you are going to do something outside of your comfort zone every day and you will build your confidence back to where it needs to be.

But what about God, you ask. Shouldn’t we as Christians be praying? Of course you should. Prayer should be a part of your day regardless and you should definitely ask God for help. The problem is that people pray and nothing happens. They get mad and don’t want to mess with it anymore. If you put in the work, God will pull you the rest of the way through, but you have to be willing to start it.  Just being we have the Holy Spirit in us doesn’t mean we no longer have to work.

If anyone wants to talk to me personally, send me message, I’m more than happy to chat. God bless.

David